December 13, 2012

Twenty-five and counting

Twenty-four was a crazy year.  A lot has happened since last December: finishing M2 year, starting in the hospital, acting more like a "doctor" and less like a "student" (sometimes); my family has dwindled once again but other branches got a new lease on life; I feel like I'm moving toward where I'm supposed to be in life and it feels really good.

There were a couple of moments this fall when I realized that I am, despite all the scary reality of it all, becoming a doctor.  When a patient would ask me a question and I could actually explain what was going on, when I was no longer nervous going in to speak to a complete stranger, now that the OSCE tests are starting to feel more like just going to see another patient instead of play-acting--all of these moments have made me realize that I've been picking up skills and knowledge and with them, the confidence that I do know what's going on and I can do all this.  Even better, I've started to feel more settled in my own skin, as if I'm catching up to being Lindsey and am no longer worried about who she is.

Who I am:
-a woman
-a student doctor
-a feminist
-a liberal
-a public-health enthusiast
-a cook
-a crafter
-a music-maker
-a writer

I am also:
-principled
-empathetic
-listening
-caring
-dedicated
-hard-working
-hard-playing
-easy-going
-Type A-ish

Things that happened this year:
-I passed 2nd year classes, woo!
-I studied for, took & passed Step 1.
-I went to therapy and actually got a lot out of it.
-I started my hospital clerkships (and love them so far!)
-I tried internet dating.  Let's just say it makes for some excellent stories.
-My mom tried internet dating
-I moved into my first solo apartment
-I planted my own garden and ate out of it all summer (and fall!)
-My grandpa passed away
-My uncle got a new heart
-My brother turned 21 in style and I was there
-I didn't go home to KC for Thanksgiving, but I did cook a whole Thanksgiving meal for Ben and myself!
-I might have convinced my brother to go into medicine
-I found my first (2?) gray hairs.  (Thanks a lot, genetics...you too, med school!)

Things I've learned this year:
-I have a "type" and apparently it is often redheaded, but always nerdy/dorky
-Some things actually are dealbreakers.  For the record, a man should live in a place that has a kitchen and a bathroom, and minimal social skills are required.
-I'm an indifferent housekeeper, but I can put a shine on a place with an hour and some elbow grease.
-I like spending time alone
-I'm a "surgical" person, not a "medicine" person, but I'm probably not a full-throttle Surgeon.
-I'm still really, really excited about OB/GYN and can't wait to do it next April

Plans and Goals for being 25:
-I want to read 26 books (one every 2 weeks.  This seems doable!  Book list suggestions welcome, full list to follow.)
-Learn to speak Spanish better (or...at all.  Hablo un poco de espanol.  Soy estudiante de medicina...No soy doctora, soy estudiante!)
-Adopt a new habit every month (full list at later date, probably things like "eat 5 fruits/veg a day" and "exercise every day" and "make my bed every day" etc.  The goal is to turn into a real adult by the end.)
-Take Step 2 and destroy it!
-Apply to residency programs! (Must figure out where.)
-NaNoWriMo. For real.  I'm going to do it.  I'll even be on vacation in November, so it will be the perfect time to finally write the bodice-ripper I've been planning (and talking up) all these years.
-Submit a poem or an essay for publication

I'm ready for the next year.  This year was long and hard in the first half, and way better in the second half.  Next year already seems brighter.

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