September 22, 2013

It's a slow, deep breaths kind of day

Step 2 CK taken. Wine drunk. Pot roast braising. Music playing.

Just a few more days, and I will have some much-deserved, much-awaited respite: true vacation. Today and tomorrow, I have only to read through the review book for the clinical skills test.  I'm not too worried about it, but I don't want to flub it, so I should probably do a minimum of work.

Who knows how the test yesterday went? The stems are long, there's always this sense of frustration at "I know exactly what's going on, but somehow I'm not sure how to answer this damned question," there are crazy pictures of rashes or lesions that cause me to make faces at the screen. The test was long. As I took my lunch break, I saw undergrads arriving to take the GRE.  I'm sure I looked terrible to them: sadly, quietly eating my carrots and sandwich, washing it down with tepid coffee from my insulated mug.  When I got home, I looked in the mirror and saw I had a tiny hemorrhage next to my left iris, probably from staring so intently at the computer screen for eight or more hours.

Afterward, I drove home, somewhat in a daze but less so than after Step 1. I felt empty, devoid of emotion.  It was done, what else can be said?  I met a bunch of girlfriends at a restaurant/bar and the combination of sangria and catching up was enough to lap away at the shores of fatigue. My friend JG and I went downtown to meet up with another friend at her bf's coffee shop after hours, where we sat and drank wine by a fire pit while we told stories about time on the wards and crazy attendings that we'd had. This was a perfect way to end the night: the sharing of tribulations make them funny, rather than tragic.

This morning, I woke up without an alarm, well into morning (at the very the late hour of 9:30!) and just luxuriated in the feel of cool air contrasting against my snuggly-warm blankets.  I plan to just take time for myself today, and do just a little bit of studying.

It's not an "I'm panicking and need to calm down" kind of deep-breathing day; it's a "take a pause and refresh before this last test" kind of day.

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